The truth.

So, my father recently walked out on my family. I woke up one morning, and my mother and father asked me to sit down, and my dad told me he would be on a train in less than in hour, heading down towards where his sisters live. My brother asked him how long he would be gone for, and he said that he would not be returning, that the move was permanent. I got dressed and headed off to work.
It's not the first time something like this had happened. Three years ago, during the summer, my father was undergoing a 'mid-life crisis', so my mother claims, and he would work all day, stay late at work and go to his friend's mechanic shop in the night, and he would come home to eat and sleep. On the weekends, he would go away for the whole weekend. Claiming to go on fishing trips and whatnot. My mother went through hell that summer, and she leaned on my older brother and I for support. I was only 15 years old, what was I supposed to do? I didn't want to see my mother like that. It took a huge toll on me because I stopped trusting boys. My father would always threaten to leave my mother. He did once, and all I did while he was gone was cry. I was weak. But then he came back, and everybody acted like nothing happened. But something did happen. Now he's left again, and this time it's for good.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry. He left, and I kept all my emotions inside. I refused to even talk to anyone about it. This is the first time I'm actually adressing the issue, and I guess it's just because I feel like I need to let it out, and this is the easiest way.
Now, I have a boyfriend and I'm terrified. I refuse to let myself get close to him. I'm attracted to him, that's for sure, but I refuse to let myself fall for him. My friend thinks I'm being weird about him, and that I'm just shy, but I'm not. I've had boyfriends before. I just don't want to put myself in a position to get hurt. My friend wonders why I won't tell my boyfriend I miss him or even talk to him too much, and I guess he wonders why too, but I figure the more distant I am, the less I will get hurt. Makes sense, right?
But now I'm screwing myself over. I really like this guy, and I don't want to hurt him. He deserves better. He deserves someone who can give him the affection he should receive. I really do trust him, and I guess that's what scares me the most. He's a great guy. He's nice and cute, and I'm terrified to fall for him.
My friends wanted to know why I was distancing myself from such a great guy, and this is why. He deserves more than I have to offer, thanks to my father.
&& that's the truth.

Learning to tell the truth...

So, let's talk about something that I'm pretty sure a lot of people can relate to; when people lie about their sexual past. If you girls are interested in a guy, don't lie to him about your past. It will backfire. Guys talk about as much as us girls do. When a guy you really like kisses you, and you run home and call your best friend up and tell her and tell a couple more friends later on.. yeah, guys do that too. Therefore, if you pine a guy, chances are he'll tell some friends, who will tell their friends, and etcetera. Guys who don't even know you will know who you are and that you pined him. Therefore, lying to a guy about your sexual past will definately not work to your advantage because chances are he's already heard who you've done through the grapevine. Chances are, you'll have a better shot with your man if you are just honest and upfront. :)